READING BETWEEN THE LINES

I have found that many of us in relationship fail to be able to see things for what they are, as oppose to how they may seem. Ok, for instance, you may be getting ready for an appointment and are running late. Keep in mind' that you already have anxiety about not being totally prepared mentally, and so you feel overwhelmed with a negative cloud; in essence, you are annoyed. Now your companion notices that there is an obvious flaw in your attire and they bring it to your attention. Your companion said and did nothing wrong, yet you were previously under stress so naturally you begin venting your negativity with the situation in mind. Your companion on the other hand senses your frustration and decides to take it personal, overlooking the circumstances at hand. Now your companion is upset and begins arguing with you because of their displeasure with your present attitude. Now we have an all out WAR. Why, you may ask yourself? Well, both parties are so consumed in their personal feelings that there is no one to be the mediator. Both parties are lacking understanding in this situation as well self control.

The original party should keep in mind that they cannot always control the situation, (which maybe their lateness or the weather); yet they can control how they react to the situation. On the other hand, the other person needs to sense something is wrong with their companion and try to assist emotionally without taking everything personal. Give the person the benefit of the doubt that they may be annoyed with something other than you. The word says a soft word turns away wrath, it also says blessed are the peace makers.

So, in your next misunderstanding, please be the bigger person. Take a deep breath, listen, emphasize and try to stay calm and come up with a rational solution.

Written by: Drew L Hinds (author/mentor)

DREWLHINDS.COM 2009

DOES HIS AGE MATTER?

Yes, age matters; I say that because at with different ages comes different expectations. For example: you are in your late twenties- early thirties and you are ready to get married and have children. Well, you meet a very nice guy and he is about 14 years older and he has been married and divorced twice and all his kids are grown. You explain to him your expectations and he advises you that he doesn't want the same in this stage of his life, because he has passed that stage of his life already. To be honest, at his age he just wants a companion, (no more kids or marriage). I have noticed that many women prefer an older man for security, but truth be told older man don't always have it together. In fact, from what I have discovered, older men are just as lost as some of the younger ones.

You see, it's a mind set or in other words a maturity level. I had mentioned before that I read a book from a psychologist entitled, “If men could talk,” which introduced what I like to call the 51-49 Rule. The 51-49 Rule is states that a man must come to the mindset that he is ready to settle down with one women and have a family, which is his 51%. On the other hand, a man most find that right that he is compatible with to be his soulmate, which is remaining 49% (or missing piece of the puzzle). So, in essence age does play a part in choiceing a mate as well taking into consideration what stage of maturity a man is at, and coming to terms with the fact that you (the woman) may or may not be his 49%.

By: Drew L Hinds (author/mentor)

DREWLHINDS.COM 2009

LOVE TANK

I was privilege to hear a sermon one morning that really hit home, you know there is always that sermon that brings about reflection or guilt. The pastor spoke about relationship (more so within a marriage) and how many of us don’t speak the same language. I of course began to laugh, because I have joked that my wife acts like I am speaking some foreign language. The speaker went on to paraphrase from a powerful author, Dr. Gary Chapman about the, ‘The Five Love Languages.’ I found it quite interesting and so I listened and took notes. The speaker explained that the five love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and of course men’s favorite Physical Touch.

From my understanding of what was said, one must seek to find what love language your partner reacts to and use that to motivate a positive result. For example, if you find that your mate enjoys having long walks on the beach with you, then it might be safe to speculate that their love language is quality time. With that in mind, you may want to make time to cater to their love language to maintain a healthy relation. The speaker also made analogy that I definitely appreciated. He compared a relationship to vehicle low on fuel, eventually it will stop completely if it is not refueled. So, in relation we all must take time and learn our significant other’s love language so we can circumvent the relationship running out of fuel. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want anyone else refueling my wife’s tank.

by: Drew L. Hinds (author & mentor)

DREWLHINDS.COM

A passage from my book, "Don't Spoil Your Appetite, VOL. 1."

I wanted to share a passage from my previous book, so tell me what you think...

“The funniest thing happened to me the other day, I ran into someone from my past. At first I was a bit apprehensive, but I remained polite. My mind wandered on how I always had mix feelings for this person. I always admired how she concerned herself with my well being, and how she never lacked affection. I reminisced about the long peaceful evenings cuddling and sharing ideas and dreams. Then I was reminded of the reckless and childish behavior that pushed me away. It’s funny though, seeing her now after all those years with what appears to be a new level of maturity and decorum. I am intrigued. We agree to keep in contact. Over a short period of time, I vigilantly study my newly found significant other, although she is from my past. Her demeanor is different now; even her poses and gestures are new. Her renewed gracefulness is alluring to my eye and I am captivated, yet cautious.

Yes, a lot has changed over the course of time. I decide to finally let my guard down and embrace the present, only to find something totally out of place. She has now become career driven, and has no time for quiet evenings with insightful conversations. She has lost her zeal to comfort and nurture a man’s spirit. She is independent and self-sufficient, no longer waiting for my endorsement of her endeavors. Yes, I am proud of her, but in all of the modifications and pronounced growth, she has changed the essence of who I fell in love with. She has grown in stature, but not spirit. She has matured financially, but not in character. She has mastered the art of persuasion, but not in forgiveness. She has overcome insecurities, but not mental baggage. She has gained a new respect from her peers, but not from my heart. I now know that all the little things I fell in love with have now been outgrown, and with that growth I have no choice but to leave my past love alone."

BY: Drew L. Hinds"This is a insert from, "Don't Spoil Your Appetite,VOL.1." Copyright © 2009 Drew HindsAll rights reserved. DREWLHINDS.COM

(http://www.drewlhinds.com/)

No matter if you are looking for a relationship or in one, you have to read this book!